Hello,
I know that I did nothing wrong, yet everyone is intent on keeping me restrained EXCEPT Dr. L. Why is that? Why am I not supposed to know the truth? Why am I allowed to suffer the excruciatingly painful anxiety that I must battle each day? It seems as if very many people have been told the truth, except me. Why cannot I be told the truth too, so I can find reason in it and understand, instead of fighting depression each day? It is ruining my life, why is that allowed? I am not young and I don't do anything because of this. I do not think this awful thing is ever going to allowed to be ended, but I don't know why. Just tell me the truth so I can go on, because if I get to the end of the extended false restraining order and there is another fake trial, and I am given more time, then I will not want to live. No one seems to care that the fact that this makes no sense is creating so much anxiety in my life that I am having a hard time battling it. If you already know that I am going to be strung along again, please just have someone kill me. I have nearly another year to go feeling like a reviled animal for doing nothing wrong but, being a victim, but if everyone acts like everything is fine, then I cannot live. This is inhumane.
I cry easily, never sleep much and have no interest in life.
I feel reviled and like I will be arrested at any moment. A knock on my door makes my blood freeze and I hold my breath.
If it were a waiting period to be Dr. L's friend, why would I be thrown in jail, or have a judge grind me into dust with her cruel words and threats? Why does everyone stay quiet about it? Everything he said to me was a joy. I have been like a phone, or computer that has not been charged and battery is draining down and I am getting weaker and weaker. I comply with even a false restraining order and had a goal, but Guasco took away my end goal by saying he could make it go on forever. He took away my hope and all I have is hopelessness. I cannot figure out why anyone cared that we enjoyed talking and being silly. It was innocent, but the most enjoyable part of my entire life. I felt alive. I had a reason to wake up each day and look forward to what he had to say. Even the smallest word was enough to give me the motivation to go on. It felt like I could do anything. I lost 40 lbs in 2 months and with my condition of having lymphedema after the strong chemo, it was quite a feat for me. I starved and walked miles and miles. I was always on the verge of passing out from hunger, but I didn't care, I wanted to please him. Once on a trail, my knee gave out and I had to hop 3 miles in the pitch blackness back to my car, but I thought of him, and I did it, backpack and all. Now, I sit at home. Nothing else. My life has been frozen. Guasco took away my hope. He must want me to die.
I think Marija M. Petrovic has to be a spy. Normal people/psychiatrists don't act so cruel, or make such intricate plans. She does mind maneuvering/control. She tries to get people to kill themselves, like they do in Serbia. She is a hideous individual. She said she will not let anything get in her way of getting whatever she wants. She tries to sound so sweet and girly, but she is not. All one has to do is slightly scratch the surface. I think she may have been in both my homes, or had others do it. Someone broke the antique set that belonged to family friend, Nan Wood Graham, sister of American artist, Grant Wood. I gave Dr. L a tea cup and saucer from the set and when I came to my new home the set was sitting all by itself in a suitcase on my piano with a light shining on it. I picked it up and it just sounded like marbles rolling around. Dr. L told me that the teacup and saucer were too nice to keep at his office there (San Rafael, Kaiser). I heard his assistant give him Hell about accepting the gift. I could not figure out why she had the right to do that to him, but it always seemed like someone was pushing him around. One time, he just sat there staring at me, looking so sad. Later I found out, because his assistant ended up treating me like dirt and basically told me to leave, when Dr. L went to get my paperwork from the visit. She made me leave, but I came back. She was so angry. I was ready to pass out from hunger, so he got me a juice box and a couple of granola bars. He was so nice to me. I do not understand why people freaked out from our sweet kindness toward each other. One of the attorneys who was foisted off on me by Guasco (He would manage to get them on his side, until he found a way to blacklist me, so no one would ever let me hire them). I paid $1,000 to Donald Bloom, who did little but yell at me. He was really mad when I spoke up in court and prompted Judge Livermore to say, "This may very likely be an invalid restraining order, I invite you to contest it." "My" attorney called for a meeting in the judge's chambers and there was all kinds of laughing going on...Then outside the courtroom Donald Bloom said he would not contest it and dropped me as a client and said he would give me a restraining order if I tried to communicate with him ever again. But later, he said (wrote) to me that Dr. L was Oz and I was the "Tin Man" and that Oz couldn't give me something I already had....I took it to mean, his heart. Dr L proved himself over and over and then came to my surgery when I was frightened, but I was not allowed to see him, nor he me. He risked getting in trouble to help me and later I was told by the nurse that she saw him coming from my room while I was still asleep. That made me feel loved. I never had that before. I felt like we were two people who were always being pushed around, but would do anything to help the other. I would give him my last dollar, or my last kidney.
My lie detection test proved that to be true (For me, anyway). I could be his friend and nothing more. There was never any impropriety, but I suppose friendship can feel like more of a threat to some. I was happy, he seemed happy; why did people have to make it ugly? People cannot own other people. Being a friend is no crime, but I have been called ugly names, interrogated about my motives and had my sanity questioned (including by Judge Novak) plus Judge Novak called me a "stalker!" as I walked past her bench and berated the Hell out of me behind closed doors in a cleared courtroom. I remember how she smiled at me so sweetly and then just lit into me with a tirade about my being crazy and Dr. L being afraid of me. It was bizarre. Charlie Smith IV, the attorney she forced on me (or I would be jailed) helped her run me down and jail me.
What kind of strange game was that? It was NOT LEGAL!
Was everyone paid off?
I may be shaken up and very sad about this situation, now after enduring insults and weird, cruel treatment for over three years, (closer to 4) and I am not dead (Which is what they want/hoped.) My MS would make me sick and I was told my MS brain lesion could kill me and yet, so much stress and humiliation has been piled upon me and it is obvious people are told to scream at me, which is what they do, a few inches from my face. They want me dead. THAT IS NOT INNOCUOUS! I deserve a meeting to clear up this FARCE! Why does no one care that it can mentally harm me, but worse, KILL ME? That would signal to me that an intervention is needed!
This has not been right, or fair, or part of the US Justice system. It has been cruel, blatantly outside law and decency....and yet I am to follow it to the letter, or I run the risk of jail? (Yeah, in the Bizarro World!) I have always followed the law, but what this is, I have no idea. Why can't you shut it down and put the bad people in jail, or just let me go? I am dying. I am emotionally dying and my body will soon follow. My husband died and it was devastating and sudden (drowning) but this is even worse, because it has gone on so long and makes even less sense than my husband drowning, since he was an expert sailor. They know that things that don't make sense frustrate me, but including taking me away from the one who makes life a wondrous delight, adds deep pain to my sentence. Life has ended for me.
Cheryl Petrovich
